Rite of passage? You’re telling me that just because you are getting married, that it is your rite of passage? Just because you have lived a certain way for this long and now you are embracing a life with someone else, through marriage, that it is your right of passage? Since you are taking a big step in committing to another person, caring for another person, protecting another person, helping another person, thinking of another’s well-being, this makes you somehow able to skip out on that for a little while before the ceremony? Not only on your own but taking your closest friends with you to just let loose and do what feels good for a little while? To feel like you don’t have responsibility for a little while? To make sure you go out with one big bang before you have a ceremony? Nothing like splitting a couple apart and then smashing them back together to start this whole shebang off.
Now for those of you who haven’t figured out what I’m talking about yet, I’m talking about American culture and its views in celebrating an upcoming marriage with bachelor and bachelorette parties.
For me it has been common sense, I suppose, my whole life. How you start something is very important to the sustainability and life of the challenge ahead of you.
If you’re not catching on to what I am referring to than let me give you an example. For instance, if my goal ahead of me was to run a 5 thousand mile marathon, I’m not going to start by never practicing or building my endurance or putting no effort towards learning some new skills that will benefit my success and still expect to win and be horrified by my disastrous results after I try to win my race.
I have expressed my view and opinions in this matter a healthy couple handfuls of times throughout my life and most everyone who listens to me seems to scoff at my ideas and thoughts. They tell me I’m crazy, or out of touch, so on and so forth.
Many marriages don’t even follow through because of the cheating or the uncaring things that happen during the exciting and nerve racking times preceding the ceremony.
People take a step back and say, “Wait a minute,” “Is this right?” “This isn’t right” “I don’t like this” …
I believe that at one point in time, a long time ago, people were a little closer to how it should be handled. Now, I know I don’t have it perfectly down pat and I don’t know all the ins and outs and specifics of the situations, but I do believe I have some very valuable insight as to how it should be, or at least how it shouldn’t be handled.
Fathers used to play a much more active role in the decision on who their daughters would marry. A little too controlling about it in a major aspect (picking the spouse for them) but they had the protective and prove it to me attitude invested in it. They also had the, what’s in it for me and/or my family, thing going on, as if she were an item who could be bought and sold. With that said, men who had to work for a year or longer to prove their love or commitment towards a man’s daughter is a very good start. It shows commitment and determination, which is always a good thing in a marriage.
Starting a marriage with someone you are going to be with the rest of your life, should be celebrated together, not separately. And I’m not talking about the marriage ceremony and reception celebration afterwards. Ugh, such a formality anymore. It’s almost disturbing. How much more weird can we possibly make it. Where is the celebration that is most intimate and personal for the couple? The male takes his intimate and personal celebration with his closest mates on the road and far away from his bride to be. The woman takes her celebration with her closest gal pals and does whatever she’s into at the time. Then, within the next 24 hours, they are thrown into a marriage ceremony, that is usually anything but personal, and are forced to say some of the most intimate things in front of some of the most un-intimate people they don’t know or are only acquainted with. Then off to dance and sing and greet and eat in front of all these, nearly strangers and distracted and disrupted for the next several hours by all these people, when the only thing you want to do is be with your new spouse and everyone is pulling you this way and that way. Giving you lame, drunken advice on how to keep your marriage from failing and falling apart. It is ludacris and madness to me. It makes no sense. It’s bewildering.
I do believe in making a big deal about something that is a big deal, such as a marriage ceremony. So how does one make a big deal about it without making it feel so fake and keeping it personal and private at the same time?
You see the dilemma?….
I know with some detailed thought and brainstormation, I could definitely pick out a way to do this. If only the American culture could see it and understand it as well, I believe I am on to something very fashion forward for the soul. At one time at the start of the turning of events and formations, I think the American wedding ceremony was very beautiful and meaningful, and is another one of those things in life that has become more routine than anything. I definitely feel those who take pride in making their wedding extremely personal, will have a long lasting and wonderful relationship. I have yet to do some statistical analysis on that.
I am sure some of you will think, but I like the excitement of people everywhere at my party and I don’t care if I barely know them, and I don’t care if my ceremony doesn’t speak me or who I truly am. I am just there to celebrate my vows with whoever and wherever. And that’s o.k. if that works for you as a couple!!! However, I do believe that there is something screaming for more than what it has become. At least there is something screaming inside of me anyway….